They say “go to a place you’ve never been before at least once a year”. I have. In 2016 I went inside myself. I haven’t ever been there. Not in this new configuration. Not with this mindset.
I have slowly and fearfully entered a territory that should have been known by me like the back of my hand. Like I know my house even when the lights are out. But I didn’t. I didn’t know the way or the main attractions or the shortcuts.
Since then I have gotten lost and frustrated. Many times. There’s no point in lying to you about this, it isn’t as easy as it seems. This “love yourself” thing is, in fact, harder than anything else I’ve ever tried. And I have tried a few things.
But honestly, there ain’t anything more worth it than this, either. It’s a bit of an adventure and every time I hit a wall I have to ask myself “why did I build this?” and “how do I go around it or tear it down?”.
I had to look at the ugly, but that’s the usual, we always tend to focus on that. What was really amazing was to look at the beauty. To see the good in me. To know I am full of good too. And to feel it, not just mentally know it but actually feel the good energy reverberating from inside.
It’s not a constant state of mind. I don’t think, in this life, it will ever be. But it’s a bit like meditation, I guess. First you try it for a few seconds. Then one minute. Then every single minute you can stay in that state is a plus.
And all I’m striving for is to reach the furthest I can from where I was yesterday. One day at a time.
© Máh Lima