My North

heidi-sandstrom-259886-w1000.jpg

The moment I saw you, I knew you were my North. Nevertheless, I kept going south. I didn’t want us to be, because I wanted it too much. What really scared me was that I saw myself changing and when I looked at the mirror, I couldn’t recognise that girl anymore. You made me feel like a stranger in my own body. And that was terrifying.

I stumbled and fell many times. But I kept walking opposite to you. I look in the mirror and I know who I am. I look into my eyes and I find you there. Forever a memory I can’t forget. Forever a pull I can’t sever. Forever the only home I have ever known and the one I so quickly ran away from.
© Máh Lima

Do you?

pawel-nolbert-284892

Do you know me?
Because sometimes I thought I knew you
But I don’t know you anymore.

Do you hear me?
Because sometimes I thought I heard you
But I don’t hear you anymore.

Do you see me?
Because sometimes I thought I saw you
But I don’t see you anymore.

Do you feel me?
Because sometimes I thought I felt you
But I don’t feel you anymore.

Do you understand me?
Because sometimes I thought I understood you
But I don’t understand you anymore.

Are you following this?
Because I was wrong about all I knew
And I don’t want to be wrong anymore.

© Máh Lima

H.O.P.E.

hold on, pain ends
Because I prefer to believe it does. Because it has happened before. Because I know life is not made of only pain. And I know it’s part of growing up. And growing up ain’t so easy in the type of society we live in… But you know what, most of those so called “grown-ups” haven’t really grown at all… It’s ok to take it slow and figure things out as you go. It’s ok to make some wrong turns. As long as you keep on moving. Isn’t the journey that counts?!
© Máh Lima

Life, The Universe, And Everything

ddec63fc7627f3485bf2e0a3636a2819.jpg

Sometimes living is overwhelming. Simply existing is all we can do and it still drains our energy away. We feel stuck. Like we don’t belong and everything is wrong and what the hell are we doing here…
People come and go and we ask ourselves how can they do that? How can they live, smile and emanate this bright light as if darkness and self doubt never touched them. As if their life was filled with so much happiness and we wonder how can they be happy in a world like this… We compare.
Sometimes we can’t understand that there’s no easy way out, even to that person we think has got it easier. We don’t understand that we’re doing exactly what we hate when people do it to us: we’re judging them.
And you know, I don’t claim to understand life, the universe and everything in between. I’m so small. My soul is still so young. I’ve got so many lifetimes to live. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, one rule, one major truth, this one thing that is supposed to make it all worthwhile: we just need to love.

© Máh Lima

Smile and let go

ashley-rowe-5658

How long will you hide inside the pain? If you don’t let go in time it will feel like that’s a part of you, when it’s not… it’s just something that happened to you. Don’t let it define you. Don’t let it make you small. Don’t embody your pain and start living it as your solely truth. You are so much more than the bad things that have happened to you. Cry if you have to. But let it go. Open up. The more you close in, the more it pierces through your skin and bleeds into your blood flow. Stop the process by smiling and being grateful for the lesson. Let it go.
© Máh Lima

Travel

gjj1kmrmn-y-kristopher-roller

They say “go to a place you’ve never been before at least once a year”. I have. In 2016 I went inside myself. I haven’t ever been there. Not in this new configuration. Not with this mindset.

I have slowly and fearfully entered a territory that should have been known by me like the back of my hand. Like I know my house even when the lights are out. But I didn’t. I didn’t know the way or the main attractions or the shortcuts.

Since then I have gotten lost and frustrated. Many times. There’s no point in lying to you about this, it isn’t as easy as it seems. This “love yourself” thing is, in fact, harder than anything else I’ve ever tried. And I have tried a few things.

But honestly, there ain’t anything more worth it than this, either. It’s a bit of an adventure and every time I hit a wall I have to ask myself “why did I build this?” and “how do I go around it or tear it down?”.

I had to look at the ugly, but that’s the usual, we always tend to focus on that. What was really amazing was to look at the beauty. To see the good in me. To know I am full of good too. And to feel it, not just mentally know it but actually feel the good energy reverberating from inside.

It’s not a constant state of mind. I don’t think, in this life, it will ever be. But it’s a bit like meditation, I guess. First you try it for a few seconds. Then one minute. Then every single minute you can stay in that state is a plus.

And all I’m striving for is to reach the furthest I can from where I was yesterday. One day at a time.
© Máh Lima

Foreign love

Photo by Zara Walker @Unsplash

I’m not looking for love anymore. I’ve grew tired throughout the years. And being very honest, I’ve lost a little of that shine in the eye and belief in the magic. There’s no sincere prince and the charmings are cute but untrustworthy.

I’m not looking for love anymore. I’m tired of the outside pressure that keeps repeating you’re not someone unless you’ve got someone. And being very honest with you, I’m tired of my own expectations.

I’m not looking for love anymore. That picture perfect relationship that will try to complete me and promise me happiness. “The one”. And being very honest with you, I don’t think that’s ever going to be possible.

Because I am not looking for love anymore. That love that comes from anywhere but within. From now on I’ll be the one to love me. And being very honest with you, that has been the best decision I’ve made this year.
© Máh Lima

I Remember

14099376_199160780501633_1908299352_n.jpg
Amazing shot by @dawson.proc

I remember walking endlessly. The waves crashing at my feet. Just like my tears damped my cheeks. I remember walking endlessly.

I remember crying a lifetime. As the sun set behind me. As I walked away from everything. Metaphorically and in reality. I remember crying a lifetime.

I remember the sudden numbness. My tired feet. My tired heart. My aching eyes. The complete nothing and the sudden stop. I remember the sudden numbness.

I remember begging for help. And the moon, my only companion, shining faintly, helping me to find my way. I remember begging for help.

I remember. Even though I wish I could forget. I remember feeling lost. I remember feeling hopeless. I remember feeling useless. I remember.

And I don’t remember how they found me. And I don’t remember how I got home. And even though I wish I could forget everything else. I remember.

I remember, on that fatidical day, I finally found my will to carry on.
© Máh Lima

Compromise

dd4ebc897319bb76be270ba1f53879ae.jpg

Do you understand how difficult it is to find someone that stays? And on the first sign of trouble you want to walk away? DON’T! If you don’t ever stick around, you will never find out that there is no “meant to be”. There’s only a lot of effort, love, respect and consistency.
© Máh Lima


And I need you to understand

screenshot_2016-08-28-14-49-41.jpg
Photo by @bryanadamc

You’re a complete person on your own
You don’t need someone to make you happy
No one is going to fill that void inside you
If anything, they’ll make it bigger.
And I need you to understand this
So you can understand the way I love you
Not like you’re the air I breathe
I wouldn’t die if you were to leave.
I love you like I love me
With the freedom of letting you simply be
Accepting you as you are, the same way I accept me
Hoping we can make it work despite our idiosyncrasies.
© Máh Lima